Day 10 Check-In

Today is Day 10.  I felt like my skin was looking nicer this morning but now tonight I have a couple blemishes.  I did a couple bentonite clay masks last week and that always goes well with juicing.  I've been totally off caffeine for maybe 4 days.  I've been so busy I'm not really tracking things.  My weight is down 5 lbs to 158.0 lbs. Honestly, I was hoping for better.  I usually drop 10 lbs in the first 10 days.  That day I ate some food probably messed up that process.  I ended up eating today too.  I have really got to prepare better.  I have to take more juices with me than I think I'll need.  The blood sugar crash hits me seemingly out of nowhere.  I was shopping with 2 of my daughters when I suddenly got loopy and shaky & felt really messed up.  Then I realized I was HUNGRY.  We went to Whole Foods and I ate some figs while we shopped and had a few random samples in the store.  I had most of a Divine Pie and a packet of raw cashew butter.  I feel disappointed with myself but not enough to bash myself.  I just wish I had been in a better place.  I need to pay better attention to how often I'm drinking so this kind of thing doesn't happen because when I get too far gone like that juice isn't enough.  I literally felt like I was "gasping for food."  It would be nice to go through the next 30 days without food deviations.  I'm super committed to not starving myself anymore, no matter what that means.  I feel like I have done so much damage to my metabolism with all my stupid dieting.  I know the feeling of deprivation has driven a lot of my overeating, bingeing and cheating on food plans.  So I will just take care of myself.  But I'd like to do a better job of being prepared and making sure I keep up with my juices so this doesn't have to happen again.  

Peanut Butter

My oldest daughter once asked me, "What is it with you and peanut butter, and the spoon?"  Because I will stand there with peanut butter & a spoon while trying to solve my problem of the moment.  It's a thing I have come back to again and again.  Especially with all my HCG dieting in the past.  When I would cheat, it would often be the peanut butter.  It's what I crave, for whatever reason, and it gives me comfort.  I don't think it's all that weird.  It's salty, fatty & has protein.  Somehow it just makes sense to me and when I can find no other way, there it is, my dear peanut butter.  And yes, I hooked up with the peanut butter today. LOL.  Then I chased it with a quart of green juice.

Today is Day 7.  Am I changing my date?  No.  This isn't me trying to get clean & sober while still dipping into the cooking wine.  This is me having 7 days of fresh, live juice; a saturation of liquid nutrition.  I'm having some issues that I haven't figured out how to handle yet.  I don't feel juicy or vibrant, renewed or any such thing.  I'm kinda pissed really.  I feel depleted, drained, down, depressed, like I'm starving, all messed up in the blood sugar, grumpy, irritable, and so freaking tired of deaing with myself.  Do I want your negative feedback about how stupid this is?  No, so if you feel inclined that direction, save it for someone who will listen to you and not delete your comment. 

I have made amazing progress in the last year with juicing and it is something I totally believe in. I went from a max dosage of anti-depressants to not needing them anymore.  This is the first summer I have not had an allergy season - while I watched those around me have their worst seasons yet.  These are two HUGE things for me.  All attributed to juicing.  But I have done enough deprivation dieting that when I feel certain things like depletion and starvation, I recognize them for what they are and I am completely unwilling to put myself through that.  I know I have issues with my gut and I may not be absorbing well.  Yesterday I didn't drink enough juice, didn't manage my blood sugar worth a darn and got too messed up that I felt sick and could hardly get anything in me.  I suppose I am now recovering from that.  I am not giving up.  We'll call this a pause.  I tried Raw Meal this morning in my nasty celery/apple juice (I hate celery juice).  It felt like I ate a rock. I generally feel that way with any protein powder or if I eat a bunch of grains.  It is so full of good stuff and I thought maybe I needed the protein.  My husband did 40 days on fresh juice and Raw Meal.  He lost 25 lbs, had increased strength and energy & felt fabulous the entire time even though he works out in the heat all day and never sleeps enough.  I'm just not feeling it for myself though.

Today is my only day off really.  I am good at resting on Sundays.  I don't shop, don't work, don't push myself to do things for people.  Usually I go to church, do some cleaning & enjoy some family time.  Today I stayed home from church.  I'm going to go out in the sun for awhile.  I would nap if I didn't have to pee every half hour.  Tomorrow I will go get some hemp oil.  It may be more specific to what I need.  I am going to be sure to blend in at least half an avocado with my green juice for a few days.  Maybe adding more calories from fat will be helpful for me.  I'm consistently adding in spirulina, celtic salt, Greener Grasses powder, omega blend oil, coconut oil, zeolites, MSM, Vit D3, and bee pollen.  I suppose I need kelp powder too.  Not sure how to choke that crap down.  Maybe I'll find some capsules.  

Okay.  That's my plan.  Rather than take this whole blog down & trip about feelings of failure, I am posting this.  I'm gonna rest and relax, keep reading good books and pondering how I can love and support myself right now.  

Over the first hump...

Grateful to be past "hell day."  Today was like a "nothing day."  I didn't want to do anything at all.  My energy is definitely up along with my mood in spite of the "nothingness." Gotta get totally off caffeine now that I'm past the rough part.  Should be easy enough since I'm able to get more sleep & not have to work this weekend.  I'm 1/8 of the way through this.  In the past I've tried to juice for longer periods and there has often been the question of whether I would actually do it or not.  I feel comfortable letting people know what I'm doing & for how long.  I have faith in myself I haven't had before.  That's a nice feeling.  I woke up this morning with a lot of anxiety and overwhelm.  I did a bunch of tapping (EFT) on that.  I really need to figure out what I'm doing about starting school in the Fall. You know, like figure out where I'm going & what I'm doing & all that good stuff.  I just felt really short-circuited about it all because time is running out to get registered.

For more info on tapping check this out:
http://www.thetappingsolution.com/

Hell Day

In my life I have found that the third day of any major change is the worst, both physically and emotionally.  Once you get past that it's much smoother sailing.  For me it's been quitting cigarettes, quitting coffee or other caffeine, giving up sugar, going 100% raw, juicing, etc.  I've also found 3 to be the magic number in terms of adding back in a bad habit.  For instance if I "relapse" on coffee or sugar or whatever, it's no big deal unless I let it happen 3 days in a row.  If I do that, then it's all the way back to addiction & it feels difficult to get back out.  This is good information to have so you can be prepared.  On occasion I've experienced Day 4 to be my "hell day" when juicing.  Sadly, this seems to be the case this time.  

My energy is really low and I'm super irritable.  I've got 4 kids home, husband stayed home today & I have to work 8 hours with the public tonight.  I'd prefer to be alone today, to do a little stretching and a lot of reading and sleeping, but no.  So I'm giving myself a free pass on the caffeine for starters.  My juices haven't been fabulous - I save those my my customers, LOL.  But I got myself a grapefruit yesterday so I could reward myself with my favorite juice.  I started my day with that - like a quart and a half.  I also made an avocado milk with raw honey, vanilla and Greener Grasses in it because I feel so depleted today.  Hopefully the calories and fat will ease the stress.  If I knew how to make this a Pinterest pin I would.

Favorite juice to start my morning:
1 pineapple
1 red beet
1 apple
1 inch ginger
2 carrots, optional

Day 2

My 2nd day went well.  I enjoyed my first job, drank juice when I got hungry, and was lucky enough to not have to work the 2nd job.  I took time to chat with a friend, water my garden, harvest a bunch of dark greens, get more produce at a market, then actually see my family a little bit.  Since I have to leave the house early, I made 5 quarts of juice tonight.  One batch smelled so crazy.  It was full of chard, purslane, spinach, and kale from my garden with local apples and non local lemons.  That should give me a kick tomorrow!  My juices haven't been the tastiest because I'm not spending time planning ahead & prioritizing shopping for certain things.  That's okay though.  It's nice to not be obsessing about it & just be eating (drinking) to live rather than the other way around.  So far I'm adding in MSM, bee pollen, spirulina, and an omega blend oil. 

Transition time

I got through Day 1.  That in itself was a success.  I felt a lot of wanting for various food items.  It was challenging to be at work and be creating fabulous food without tasting it.  I just have to accept that I will need to put food to my lips minimally to be able to get flavors right.  Apparently my bread pudding is better than ever. :)  So that's positive.  I was fairly irritable yesterday and had to keep reminding myself that I will feel much better around Day 4.  I also found that I got hungry in the evening in spite of having about 5 quarts of fresh juice.   Other than that, it was good.  I feel very supported in my juicing endeavor.

So here's what not to do.  Put yourself in a position where you don't get nearly enough sleep.  5 hours is what I got last night.  Then work 2 jobs for a total of 12 hours on your feet.  That's what my Day 2 looks like.  This is where compassion for self enters the picture.  I am giving myself these first 4 days or so, which are always the toughest, to not be totally perfect.  People do juicing different ways but ultimately this is MY juice feast and I set the parameters for myself. Last night I got really hungry with a few hours left to go so I got a chia kombucha.  It's important to get enough calories.  The last thing I want is for my body to think I'm starving it again.  I am also giving myself some slack with caffeine these first few days.  Getting off caffeine is rough business and I need to be able to function and be nice to the people I am around all day. I know from experience that I need to be completely free from caffeine to get the benefits I am looking for, but I'm giving myself a little transition room here.  I'm not talking Red Bull here, just some caffeinated tea.

Day 1

I've never had a blog before and I don't consider myself very technologically savvy, but here I go anyway.  I just had an inspiration this morning that maybe I could share this process in a blog so I'm gonna go with it. Today marks day 1 of my 40 day juice feast.  What I'm doing is having at least 4 quarts of fresh juice each day, adding in superfoods and essential fats so I have plenty of nutrition and calories to keep me grooving along.  I'll be including lots of celery and greens for mineralization and deep cellular hydration.  I intend to support my cleansing and healing process with things like coffee enemas, dry skin brushing, yoga, prayer and meditation, deep breathing, walking and hiking in nature, free writing,  etc.  I am a very busy girl, however, so no huge expectations on all that.  I'm going to do a check-in every 10 days.  That seems reasonable.  My intention in doing this juice feast is summed up in the word "renewal."  I want clarity of mind especially regarding my education, radiant skin, ease of digestion, freedom from food addictions and negative food/mood behavior, and of course it would be nice to get lean again.

Day 1:  163.8 lbs, skin not bad but fairly dull, body feels a little stiff but not bad, pain in my body not bad either - nothing swollen or too sore, definitely feeling my usual tiredness and fatigue.  All the sleep in the world wouldn't be enough. My arm numbness at night is fairly annoying though.